My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
