Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
