There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
