Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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