there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
