I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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