omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
