Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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