for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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