his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
