last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
