Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
