What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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