remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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