How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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