can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize