We're like a lot better than the average bears
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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