College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I deserve this hangover.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
