i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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