How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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