dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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