im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
