I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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