she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
