in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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