Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We had sex on a dog bed..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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