She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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