So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
