glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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