My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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