Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
