took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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