I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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