You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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