I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize