there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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