i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
