I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
