You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
