i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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