Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
