My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
