so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
