you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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