i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Fuck appropriateness.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
