hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
