My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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