Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
