I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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