Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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