Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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