If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
