dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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