Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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