If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
