Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
