so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
