Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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