Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
