u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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