He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
