Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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