I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
