you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Shame is for Republicans.
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