Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
