hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
40s are totally the cure
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
